De-romanticizing Paris

My little sister and I munched our baguettes happily, while we rested our feet in the Trocadero Gardens in Paris.  The sun was beginning to set behind the Eiffel Tower – once the sky turns black, the Tower lights up and we had perfect seats to watch the show.

Tourists were taking pictures and we were all asking each other to shoot group pictures.  A couple of large (and handsome) French men approached my sister and I, wondering if we would take their picture in front of the Eiffel Tower.  We took the picture, but then they wanted pictures of us.  This request wasn’t terrible unusual for us, so we agreed.  Bad move.

The men thanked us, sat about 8 feet away from us in the Gardens and started reviewing the pictures on their camera.  They looked up at us every now and again, but after a while, it started feeling like staring.  “Act naturally,” I instructed my sister.  “We’re going to get up and stroll away.”

Minutes later, two very large French men were sprinting after us as we booked it through the Gardens.  Determined to catch their prey, they tracked us through the crowds of people under the Tower to a group of Americans who became our new best friends.  We asked for protection; they gave us security and wine.  Unfortunately, the public bathrooms close fairly early in Paris and booze has a tendency to go straight through a person.  So, as I watched the Eiffel Tower glow bright blue against the night sky, I pulled down my pants and pissed in an isolated bush.

Moral #1: Always be on your guard

Paris, the romance capital of the world, is not immune to creepers.  As a martial artist, I should have been well aware to the fact that Paris is a big city and tourist attraction.  And where there are tourists, there are unwatched wallets.  Bad call on my part.

Moral #2: Fighting is not always the appropriate response

Though this is a blog about how to better kick ass, you’ll notice that I never once considered fighting in my story.  That’s because fighting, in this scenario, would have been a terrible idea.  You’ll find out why later.

I went through a couple of thought processes during this ordeal.  I had to analyze how much (if any) danger I was in, decide whether or not to fight, and what my next course of action should be.  Part of knowing how to fight is knowing when to fight.

Fight or Flight?

How do you know when you’re in danger?

1. Do I look vulnerable? People who mean to cause you harm are looking for a couple tell-tale signs that you’ll make for the perfect victim:

• looking out of place, lost, or foreign
• hands are full, mobility is compromised (as in, wearing a heavy knapsack)
• not totally aware of surroundings
• put off one’s guard (smiling at a con-artist who just called you beautiful/handsome)
• easily overpowered

2. What are the circumstances? In my case, the sun was setting.  My traveling party consisted of me and my little sister, we’re flagrantly American and don’t speak a word of French.  Did I mention that there was no place to hide?  Oh right, and the men snapped a picture of us.

3. Intuition: Normally, the above circumstances wouldn’t immediately spell disaster.  I’ve traveled through Europe without a problem, take sunset strolls, and speak any language I like.  Hell, I’ve even snapped pictures with strange men while on vacation.  The clincher was that hot feeling at the base of my neck that screamed “danger”.

If I’m a decent martial artist, why shouldn’t I fight?

As martial artists, we need to have the wisdom to know when to fight and when to run for our lives.  We’re not video games, people – this is real life.  Someone shoots, you die.  End of story.  It’s important for us to learn a little discretion before we start hitting everything that moves.

1. Consider the odds: I’m a short, light woman against two 6-foot tall linebackers.  I’m probably not going to win.

2. Local laws: I know that in the states, it’s easier for a woman to defend herself without getting arrested, especially if she was attacked by a burly man.  I’m not really sure how it works in France, but I can say one thing: I’ve seen The Count of Monte Cristo and I do not want to be stuck in French prison.

3. Consider who’s along: I know that I can defend myself against 1 guy, but I’m sure that my little sister would get slaughtered trying.  What would happen if I chose to fight, got blindsided, and my helpless sister was harmed in the process?  I would never forgive myself.

Alternatives to Fighting

1. Run! First try to get out of the situation without drawing attention to yourself.  If that doesn’t work, pick up the pace and zigzag through a crowd.

2. Scream as loudly as possible.  Screaming serves two purposes: it alerts passers-by that you’re in danger and it stuns the attacker(s).  Once their concentration is broken, it’ll be easier to escape.

3. Find a group: Just as you evaluated your odds against fighting, the attackers will also do the math.  Once the two of them run up against 5 bigger guys, they’ll likely find an easier target.